Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
