babies were throwing up all over the place
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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