Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone shit on the floor
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
