I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
