My nipple is on Facebook.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
