i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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