i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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