is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
