Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
