she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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