Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
