I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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