I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
