You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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