I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
