I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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