Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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