I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
