I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
