yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've blown a few things in my day
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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