Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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