You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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