You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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