wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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