so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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