Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
