I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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