Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
