Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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