i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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