it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
why does every cop we meet know your name?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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