i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I see more hoeing in ur future
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