I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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