I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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