please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
