Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
