If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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