whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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