i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize