The maid of honor just puked.
that's an acceptable place to lick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
