by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
