heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
