They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
