I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
