matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
