so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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