What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
