8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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