I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
