finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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