Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
