THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
