have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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