I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
