tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
