Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
