I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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