i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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