Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
