I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
