This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Still dying that you shit outside
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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