true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
